I am a good person. People like me.
Current Residence: The Command Center
Favourite genre of music: Anything that doesn't mention tractors
Favourite cartoon character: Me
Why I Have a New GunWhy I Have a New Gun by The-Cottler
My town's one redeeming quality is that it's quiet. It's a small place, so trouble usually sorts itself out. We have like, two cops, but they're mostly just here for show. I'm starting to suspect that some of the cop cars around here aren't functioning either. Like the cops just park them around to discourage teenagers from littering, or whatever teenagers do.
Anyway, in a town so peaceful there are only two places worth being. My house and the local gas station. Micheal and I were not at my house.
"Should I get Mountain Dew or Mountain Dew Throwback?" My black friend Micheal asked while weighing a bottle of each drink in either hand. It doesn't matter at all that my friend Micheal is black, I'm just not sure if it's more racist to ignore it until it comes up or just say it. As the reader you need details, so I'm counting on you to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Besides, I don't hang out with Micheal because he's black. I hang out with him because
Why I Still Don't Have A JobWhy I Still Don't Have A Job by The-Cottler
It'd been a long time since my last job interview. I wasn't nervous however. A job interview is just another kind of business meeting after all, and I am all about giving people the business. No, if my resolve was shaken at all it was because the all night pogo stick contest I had just competed in against the mayor of my town had dislocated a vertebrate in my spine, causing my right fist to occasionally swing forward involuntarily. I'm sure that the involuntary fist swinging thing, just like the random pogo stick contest, won't have any bearing on the rest of the narrative.
I arrived five minutes early. I was dressed well, but not too well. I didn't want to intimidate anyone. At least, I didn't want to intimidate anyone until after I got the job.
No one was there to meet me when I arrived so I took a seat on a bench and pried the c
Report From the FieldReport From the Field by The-Cottler
Following is the field report of the mission conducted by the special operations team code named "Funky Bunch". [Command Notation: Portions of this report have been redacted by the UNSC for security purposes.]
On Monday April 4th 2556, at 09:00 hours Standard Galactic Time, a two man squad consisting of Captain D. Stoker and myself, Brigadier General J. Ssyba boarded the terrorist vessel Overwrought Shipmoniker which was orbiting the planet [REDACTED] in the Sol System. Our objective was to [REDACTED], as well as to eliminate any enemy soldiers we came into contact with.
An hour earlier, 08:00 hours, a larger strike team was sent ahead of us as a diversion. According to the pre-mission briefing, we were to have no contact with the diversionary team and it would be unlikely if we even saw them during the course of our mission.
First contact with the enemy came at 09:10 in the cargo bay of the Overwrought where Captain