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Why I Have a New GunWhy I Have a New Gun by ~The-Cottler
My town's one redeeming quality is that it's quiet. It's a small place, so trouble usually sorts itself out. We have like, two cops, but they're mostly just here for show. I'm starting to suspect that some of the cop cars around here aren't functioning either. Like the cops just park them around to discourage teenagers from littering, or whatever teenagers do.
Anyway, in a town so peaceful there are only two places worth being. My house and the local gas station. Micheal and I were not at my house.
"Should I get Mountain Dew or Mountain Dew Throwback?" My black friend Micheal asked while weighing a bottle of each dr
Why I Still Don't Have A JobWhy I Still Don't Have A Job by ~The-Cottler
It'd been a long time since my last job interview. I wasn't nervous however. A job interview is just another kind of business meeting after all, and I am all about giving people the business. No, if my resolve was shaken at all it was because the all night pogo stick contest I had just competed in against the mayor of my town had dislocated a vertebrate in my spine, causing my right fist to occasionally swing forward involuntarily. I'm sure that the involuntary fist swinging thing, just like the random pogo stick contest, won't have any bearing on the rest of the narrative.
Report From the FieldReport From the Field by ~The-Cottler
Following is the field report of the mission conducted by the special operations team code named "Funky Bunch". [Command Notation: Portions of this report have been redacted by the UNSC for security purposes.]
On Monday April 4th 2556, at 09:00 hours Standard Galactic Time, a two man squad consisting of Captain D. Stoker and myself, Brigadier General J. Ssyba boarded the terrorist vessel Overwrought Shipmoniker which was orbiting the planet [REDACTED] in the Sol System. Our objective was to [REDACTED], as well as to eliminate any enemy soldiers we came into contact with.
An hour earlier, 08:00 hou
Cheerful 
Sta.sh
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